​I PUT BOTH FEET IN MY MOUTH! 

Oh my! I didn’t just put the feet alone, I went ankle deep (yep, got my fat ankles in there too)!

Pregnant ladies, if I’m around you and I don’t so much as look at your belly, please don’t be offended. I shall explain in a minute, just hold on while I wipe the remaining saliva off my feet… 

So, earlier today I was at the mall waiting to see a movie with a couple of friends, when i ran into some people I know. One of the ladies in the mix, which I haven’t seen in a while because I thought she was on leave, had an obvious baby bump. As is the tradition (Naija people will understand this), I greeted her and implied that I can’t wait to “eat the rice oh” while obviously pointing to her belly. 😒

She smiled sweetly and nodded. I noticed something was off, but couldn’t put my finger on it, so I looked at the faces of the others there and I could tell  I just messed up. 😕

As I made to leave, seeing as the air could have been sawed in half, one of the guys in the mix said he would walk me a bit. As we moved away from the group, he asked me why I was congratulating her when she was on maternity leave already and (here’s where I fucked up) she lost the baby during child birth! 😱

I was mega horrified! My friend was laughing hard at me because the look on my face said I wanted the ground to turn to lava and just melt me and my big mouth! 😩

Sadly, this isn’t the first time I have made this kind of error. The first time was when I told a female colleague I couldn’t wait to celebrate her baby, only to realize she was just fat! 🙈

So, no I won’t be commenting on your belly, or congratulating you, abeg no vex. Don’t wanna have to taste my feet ever again!

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