Earlier in the day, a very good friend of mine invited me and a couple others to chill pool side as it was his birthday and he only wanted family around him. I haven’t been in the pool since last year July but I was determined to spend most of the day in it. Now, keep in mind that all I do is float in the water because I haven’t let go of my aqua-phobia.
For the first time since I’ve been going to that pool, I was surrounded by really good looking men. They were friendly, chatty and a couple hit on me. I know I was looking rather good in my bathing suit ‘cos I’ve dropped some pounds and I’ve stopped looking like an over stuffed sausage, so it was understandable that these men would ogle. But then I came to a surprising realization.
Even though I’ve been complaining and ranting about how single I am, I honestly wasn’t interested in getting to know any of the guys. I was polite, didn’t flirt back, and graciously exited each convo making sure it never led to a phone number exchange. Keep in mind oh, they were good looking and had considerably good jobs. So, what exactly was my problem?
Is it that I’m not ready to date just yet? Or am I just too tired repeating that “getting to know” cycle that leads nowhere? Or I’m just too scared that it might lead somewhere but my heart is weary of the hurt I’d be opening it up to just in case it all goes to shit once again? I really don’t know what it is, but I should sleep. My body still aches from all that aimless floating in the pool.