So I recently asked if friends could still stay friends even after sex, and the answer is yes. But there are rules that apply for such to be possible. Now, I know how hard it is to get into a relationship, and some of us need the regular servicing so contemplating getting a FWB (friend with benefits) is something that is sure to come up. Here’s your guide to getting and keeping one yet skipping all the drama that usually comes with it.
Rule 1 – When choosing a FWB make sure it’s someone you can be totally honest with. It also helps if the person is mature in mind (age has nothing to do with it). Honesty is key because you both can know if/when to pull the plug if things start getting a little complicated.
Rule 2 – If the friend is someone you just casually know, don’t try to get to know the person during time spent together. It’s just sex, have the sex and be going. No lunch dates, no cuddling, no “tell me how your day was” type shit. Just fuck and go. The minute unnecessary attention enters, the other party might feel you have caught feelings and let their guard down thinking it might lead somewhere. Stop leading people on under the pretext of ‘being polite’. This is for the men especially. Seriously, just fuck and go. (Exception to the rule here – unless you genuinely start liking the person and it’s mutual, no try am!).
Rule 3 – Always choose a less intimate setting when meeting up to have sex. If you have to clean up your space and put a thousand scented candles just for a FWB then you’re not serious. It’s like you want to choke on all that smoke in the name of catching feelings ba?! No unnecessary serenren plix. It’s just sex. Do it on a pile of clothes for all I care. Just don’t put way too much effort into presentation (well, unless you wanna shave a landing strip down your privates so they know you mean business).
Rule 4 – Always say thank you afterwards. I know this may sound weird, but it’s the polite thing to do. If the sex was good, always show appreciation vocally. Let each other know that the individual party was well satisfied. Now, if the sex wasn’t all that. Still say thanks but let the person know that it might just be a one time thing seeing as the major reason for a FWB is so multiple sex can be had at random times. Say thanks and move on. No use tryna teach someone how to sex you right if you ain’t tryna catch feelings.
Rule 5 – ALWAYS choose a partner who can be discreet. This is very important. Most times when it’s a FWB situation, you don’t want the whole world knowing y’all are shagging because you still wanna be able to meet the love of your life. Can’t have your FWB ruining your chances just because the sex is so damn good. So keep it on the low-low. In the famous words of Kranium, “nobody afi know say me a you are fuck, nobody afi know say you a give it up…”.
Ultimate Rule – DO NOT HAVE A FWB YOU KNOW ALREADY HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU! That just cruel and selfish. Pick someone you know only sees you as a sex tool or someone that in no way is your spec, either physically or mentally. That way attachments can’t be formed. The minute you choose a FWB that could potentially be bae then you better be ready to enter relationship mode when things switch up.
I know in some rare situations FWB sometimes becomes the real thing. If that happens then congratulations. But don’t go into it thinking that would happen. That’s the worst self setup ever. The way it would backfire would shock you like a fallen live NEPA wire during a rainstorm. Don’t do it.
If you do disagree with my rules, do let me know which ones but be prepared to have a counter argument too.
Peace, Love and Chicken Wings!
For a long time, all I did was exist. But now, I’m living too.
Hi, my name is Olaoluwasunbo Olundegun, but everyone calls me Bigma. In January I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder ll (hypo mania).
My big sis encouraged me to write about it since I’ve always used my writing as a form of therapy when I was dealing with depression. So I’m gonna try this out and see if it helps.
I know a lot of y’all reading this have questions. As time goes on I’d answer the ones I do have answers to.
No, I ain’t looking for sympathy or tryna get some kinda attention. All I’m doing is finding a way, besides using meds, to cope with the bipolar.
I haven’t figured out all the kinks yet. I certainly haven’t totally let it all settle in because I go about daily with my usual self and then I start wondering if I was misdiagnosed only to have a very hyper day for no reason and then it all starts to make sense.
Luckily I can still function properly with day to day activities and I somewhat try to have a handle of things. Certain urges still need taming but so far I think I’m doing a pretty good job.
By the way, I hate my meds. I hate them! But, I’ve found my own little way to cope with it all.
I’d try and document what I observe in this new phase of my life. A lot of things are different now but I’m still the same awesome sumborri y’all know and (somewhat) love.
I gotta say, writing this did make me feel a hella good. Maybe it just might help, time will tell. Oh, and don’t expect me to write all the time o! I am open to your thoughts, suggestions and even prayers. But please keep any negative bullshit far away from me. I’m quick to cuss a nigga out if I sense any negativity whatsoever.
So, yeah, I think that’s all for now…