#DearDiary | What I Feel About Sex 

I don’t expect y’all to agree with everything I say so please note that this is MY opinion, and if you find anything you agree with then I might just be right. Either ways, read and enjoy (learn a thing or two too).

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-How long is too long?

Seriously, sex isn’t a sport or some kind of marathon. No one gives you a prize or award for fucking for 4 hours! This is especially for the men who got their basic sex education from PornHub. No woman wants to be screwed continuously for an hour straight. Just because they call it “laying your pipe” don’t mean you should take it literally. I think the ideal amount of time spent on penetration should be 15-20 mins. Now, if the person you’re about to fuck has already requested for a long penetration session, then that’s a different case. In general, I think a larger amount of time should be spent on foreplay.

-Oral sex should be reciprocated often.

I’m a huge HUGE advocate for oral sex. I mean both giving and receiving. I think it’s a more fun option to just regular penetration. It also helps that there are so many ways to spice up an oral session. Could be by infusing food or candy or dessert in the mix. Oral sex has a wide range of satisfactory elements to it, especially when executed well. For the ladies who are with men who love head but dunno how to give, I shall be holding classes soon. It is only right that I pass on my knowledge to you. 😏

-Did y’all talk about what you like in bed tho?

Before having sex with whoever, y’all need to talk about everything. From what you like in bed to how long or slow or fast or short you like it. Especially in this day and age of ass eating and what not, y’all need to talk that shit out. You can’t just assume a guy likes to be fingered in the ass just because he has a nice round butt. Communication before penetration is an obligation. 

-Size does matter.

When I say size, I’m not talking about what the man is working with as per dickage (dick package). I’m referring to the width and depth of a woman’s vagina. You men don’t take that into consideration before penetration. Use your fingers first to find out how wide or tight it is down there before you break her cervix. This would help you know if you’re gonna start off by slowly penetrating her or just what position to engage in so as to get maximum satisfaction  (especially if she’s wide or you have a small dick). Ass size matters too. Not every ass is built for doggy.

-Always keep the privates up to code.

Same way no man likes a woman with a stinky vagina, no woman likes a man with sweaty mothy balls. All privates should be kept clean and well groomed. It’s your temple dammit! Keep that shit a 100%.

-Foreplay means more play.

How do you expect a car with no engine oil or fuel in it to start or take you on a long journey? Foreplay is the fuel to having great sex. Now, for each person, foreplay is always different. So you have to find what works for your partner. It’s not only women that enjoy foreplay oh, even the men do too. A little nibble on his earlobe, a little tongue play on his nipple, even a little teasing of the cap of his dick with your mouth would go a long way. The koko is that, effort for foreplay goes both ways. Grease them engines and enjoy the ride.

-Sex is to be enjoyed.

It’s not a punishment or a by force sumtin. So if you are going to have sex, the least you can do is make it memorable and fun. Enjoy every bit of it. If you know that you always feel guilty or somehow after having sex, maybe you shouldn’t be having it then. There’s no point having sex if the end game isn’t pleasure all round.

In all this sex and fun having, please do remember to always use a condom and play safe. Oh, and have plenty plenty orgasms! 😊

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#DearDiary | Susie’s Sexcapades 

The busiest time of the year for photographers is always towards the end of the year, especially all those quick end of year weddings just so they can say they got married before the year ended. So you can imagine how busy the last couple of weeks have been. I haven’t even been able to get some since Maleek’s party. I was horny as fuck, but I had a wedding to cover. So I decided to play dress up for this one. 

The wedding was a very intimate one. Not more than 50 guests, it looked more like a dinner party than a wedding. The bride’s brother, although wickedly handsome, wasn’t the one stealing the show besides the couple. It was his date everyone couldn’t stop looking at. Even I couldn’t stop looking. She was tall, had one of those hourglass figures with an apple bottom booty. Her dance moves were glorious to watch. She had sort of a sultry smile on when she dancing. I think I was so horny because the more I looked at her, the more I thought about eating her pussy. I shook my head soon as the thought crossed my mind. I went back to looking at the bride’s brother. He was so tall, so dark, so damn handsome! I felt my pussy quiver hungrily as I looked at him. How am I gonna get him away from that figure 8 date of his? I was still thinking about this when the bride’s sister came to tell me the party was moving to a lounge nearby and that she wanted me there too.

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I was sitting at the bar nursing a rather tepid looking glass of whiskey with my index finger making an absent minded circle round the rim of the glass. I saw “figure 8” walking towards the bar, I didn’t even know my eyes followed her all the way till she caught me staring and flashed me that sultry smile. Damn! I’m too horny for all this. She leaned over the bar to place her order then turned to me afterwards and said “You’re Susie right?” She continued without even waiting for my reply, “My sister was the one who recommended you to Wale’s sister. I can see why she liked you”. She practically assessed me as she said that. Is my horny mind playing tricks on me, or is she hitting on me? I tried not to get too excited. I smiled back at her and said “Your sister?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m Bisi. I noticed you had your eyes on Wale and honestly I was kinda jealous.” For a minute I was slightly worried because I thought I was about to get my ass whooped till she said “Why look at him when you can have all of this?” Then she went full watts with that smile. My eyes must have been about to pop out my head because she burst out laughing hard. I laughed too. Then she put her hand on mine and started making slow circles round my hand just as had been doing to my glass, and said “I could even sweeten the pot.”

“How?” I asked

“With Wale” She replied. 

Was she implying what I’m oh so hoping she is?

“You want a threescore?”

She leaned forward seductively and said, “Well, I want to eat your fat pussy out first, but yes that too”.

At this point I was definitely dripping wet. She took my by the hand and led me to the door. We got to her car and Wale was already sitting in the drivers seat. He smiled when he saw me and said “I was hoping you were attracted to us as we were to you”.

I laughed in amusement at how crazy the night was about to be.

It was a short drive to their place, well it was Bisi’s place. For some reason the place looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place it. Even the palour looked like I had been there before. I started to rack my brain to see maybe I had fucked Wale before or something. I drew up blanks so I discarded the thought. Bisi ushered me into her room, the minute we entered she held my face and kissed me. Her lips were so soft. Her breathe was minty with a hint of whiskey, she tasted so good. Her hands caressed my boobs while my hands found their way to her ample butt, giving them a slow squeeze each. We managed to find our way to the bed while taking off our clothes at the same time. I made her lay on her back, and spread her legs. I don’t know why but I was hungry to taste her down there too. I got on the bed and knelt in front of her, looked at her and smiled as I lowered my head down to taste her visible wetness. I could hear her moans and feel her buck each time I sucked hard on her clit or stuck my tongue deep in her pussy. I was so engrossed in the meal I was having that I didn’t notice Wale had joined us in the room. He raised my ass from behind and also started giving me head too. I moaned into Bisi’s pussy which made her go even crazier. I could sense she was about to cum so I increase my tongue pressure on her clit as I sucked on it. She came loudly. I didn’t stop eating her, I just kept going as each wave of her orgasm ran through her body. I was beginning to get close to mine when Wale leaned forward and said, “Not yet baby.” and he proceeded to take his pants off, revealing a very nice looking dick. He put the cap close to my pussy hole but didn’t enter for like 5 seconds, teasing my quivering pussy. Then he slowly pushed it in till the whole length disappeared into me. He fucked me, I sucked her. By some freak luck, both Bisi and I came at the same time, Wale followed like a minute later. We all collapsed in a pile of sweaty bodies trying to catch our breaths. I knew this was just the beginning of the fun, and I was so ready.

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I woke up with Bisi cuddled up to me, she had a hand cupping my right boob. I smiled as I remembered how crazy the night had been. I felt a little bit patched so I carefully stood up from the bed, trying not to wake either of them. Soon as I opened the fridge to get a bottle of water, I heard a door open. I was wondering who else was here as I took a gulp of water. Then I saw who and spat the water out in surprise. It was Sade.

​#DearDiary | I’m A Sexual Being and I Own It!


I remember how upset I used to get some years ago that all men saw me as was a sexual object. I even wrote a few articles on it. If only I had known how ignorant and stupid I sounded back then though.

I wish I had known now what I thought I knew then, that owning your “sexy” is so damn beautiful! It’s not my fault I was created so bountiful-ly by God, so why should I be upset that a man takes a look at me and gets a stirring in his loins. That’s his problem, not mine. I own my plus size curves and rock them as I please. 

I’ve always loved wearing short outfits yet some people always “catch feelings” that someone with my back side shouldn’t be wearing something that short. If you can’t see my coochie when I bend over or sit, how is it your goddamn business what I wear tho? Yes, I may have hips that lie but God compensated with two natural floaters in front for safe landings and whatnot. Must I now suffocate them by wearing turtleneck just because men would ogle at them? That’s their problem. My babies deserve to breathe so I won’t kill them because your eyes can’t stay of my chest. 

I refuse to be tied to the mentality that there’s something wrong in looking or being sexy. I’m a grown ass woman with enough sense to know where the “inappropriate dressing” line gets crossed. Funnily I’ve had days I wear shapeless fully covered outfits and I still get ogled. That’s when I realized that the problem ain’t mine. 

So, if you think it bothers me that all you think of is sex when you look at me, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE! I’m just here loving every inch of my plus size self to be worried that you are trying to sexualize me. Call me sexy and I’d see it as a compliment, don’t mean you’re gonna “hit that” ever. I call Trey Songz sexy all the time, even drool a lil when I do, but that don’t mean me and him are ever gonna smash tho. Are you getting me?

#DearDiary |Susie’s Sexcapades 

So I’ve had a rather busy month sexually, especially after that surprise orgy I found myself at with Maleek, I decided to take a dick break. Not because I wasn’t feeling horny or anything, but my coochie deserved some down time. Also I needed to do some grocery shopping (I was running low on condoms too). 

I decided to make one quick stop on my way to the store. My herbage supply was running low so I hit up my weed guy, Jay, for a re-up. He said I should stop over at his to get some. I had only been there once before because he usually drops off for me at mine, but this day he begged me to come pick up. When I got to his place (he stays in Ogba but like way inside, and only bikes can get to his 2 bedroom apartment) I noticed his front door was a bit ajar. I called out his name and faintly heard his response. When I entered he was laying down on a couch in the palour with nothing but his boxers on while 2 half naked girls laid on the bed by the couch. It looked like a sex scene from a porn flick, like they were taking a 5 minute break or something. I gave him an inquiring look to which he laughed to and said “Babes, I’m fucking stoned!” 

I couldn’t smell any weed so I was wondering how come they were so stoned. Then I peeped a cake pan with what looked like chocolate cake. The fat girl in me wanted some of it. Jay followed my eyes to the cake pan and asked “Want some brownies?”

“Like pot brownies?” I asked sounding a little bit excited. 

“Yes” he laughed, got up and cut me a chunk of the cake. I threw the whole piece in my mouth as he said “You might not want to do that!” My eyes widened as I stopped mid chew. “Wha-?!” I managed

“Just don’t work any heavy machinery today” he said as he kept laughing hard and returned to his position on the couch. I took my supply and headed out of his place. I felt nothing….yet. 

It took me about 30 minutes to get to the supermarket where I usually shop from Jay’s place. By the time I got down from the keke I entered I knew the brownies had started to hit, slowly first. I smiled at the feeling I was experiencing. Walked into the mart, actually more like sauntered in. I had just pulled a trolley out from its place when the first wave of high hit me. I managed to remember a few things I needed and threw them in the cart. I got to the fridge side,  took out a fizzy drink and opened it to take a long drink then continued to randomly walk round and pick stuff as I remembered them. I started to round up with my shopping, seeing as I was beginning to space out and couldn’t remember what else I wanted to buy, when I started feeling pressed. I walked up to one of the store attendants to ask if they had a toilet I could use. She pointed to the back end of the store and said one was there. I was a bit weary about using the toilet but when I entered and saw it was clean I felt a bit relaxed. Then I noticed it had a bidet (a mini coochie shower) and I hoped it had a nice pressure. When I was done peeing and I pressed the lever on the bidet, the water pressure was crazy. The minute the water hit my clit I squealed from the pleasure I felt. I continued to increase the pressure by pressing the lever down, the harder the pressure the more pleasurable it felt. Maybe it was the high or the horny but I kept the pressure going on a steady hard flow hitting my clit. Soon I was moaning softly as the pleasure built higher and higher. My right hand was free so while I enjoyed the pressure my right hand grabbed my already taunt nipple and tweaked, pulled, squeezed, pinched, caressed it. The pressure plus the cold water sent me into a tremendous orgasm! 

Bidet

I sat there stunned for a minute. It felt so damn good! Never had I ever done that before. I looked at the bidet, after I had turned off the water, like I had just found my new favourite toy and said in a hushed satisfied voice “Thank you!”. Because I was still pretty stoned, I was in no rush to stand up. I brought out my phone to check if I had any important texts, saw none then decided to clean up. The minute the cold water and pressure from the bidet hit me, I knew I was going to be in that toilet a while longer…..

#DearDiary | Susie’s Sexcapades

PART 2

I had just taken a puff from my nightly dose of herbage when a call came in from a strange number. I knew it wasn’t a familiar foreign number so I picked up a little wearily.
“Hello, who this?” I said
“Hi Susie, it’s Maleek. It is already ‘later’ and I’m calling as promised”
“Oh?” was all I could say. He laughed such a deep sexy laugh then asked if we could meet up around 11pm at the same bar we had the meeting earlier in the day. I knew I was curious to spend some time with him so I said yes. After he hung up I still felt giddy all over. What to wear? That thought stayed with me as I took of my clothes to go shower. His laugh echoed in my head as I walked into the bathroom. Just thinking of it made my nipple very taunt. I couldn’t help but laugh as I turned the shower on.

Read More

#DearDiary | An Ode To Two Beautiful Monsters

Such monsters. Such angry monsters. Poking out in places you don’t want. Making things awkward from the jump. They seem so tame from afar, so well behaved. But the closer you get, the more you see them trying to burst through the seams. They look so angry. They start to stare at you the minute you get in close contact with them. They rage. They ache. They look like monsters. Tiny heads with humongous bodies. Such horrid looking monsters.  Read More

#DearDiary | Susie’s Sexcapades

PART 1

I’m presently sitting in front of my standing fan with my legs spread open hoping the cool air would find its way into my vagina and kill the burning feeling from all the sex I just had. It has been a crazy 48 hours for me. I’m coming, let me sip some of this cold water as I subconsciously fan my coochie to hasten the cooling process. What have I been up to? I’d tell you. Sigh, I need more breeze in here…

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I had been on a dry spell for 2 weeks now. No random hook up, no Tinder or Snapchat booty call. Nothing. I started to wonder if I’d already fucked my allotted quota of men or something. Even business has been slow. So I was home this lazy Friday evening, lacking the motivation to even go to my favorite hole in the wall in Opebi for some highly needed flirtation, and I had planned my night out. Got my triple “A” batteries ready, vibrator out of its box and I was streaming some BBW porn in preparation of a “hand”-some evening. It was like 5pm. My plan was to rub one out every hour till 8pm, or till I pass out. Then I heard a knock at the door. It was my neighbors younger brother, John. He had just got back from NYSC camp. I remember how skinny and tiny he looked growing up. He has a cute face though. He came back only a few inches taller, but still very tiny looking. He said he wanted to charge his phone so he could call his older sister, apparently he was locked out.

I was beginning to get a little frustrated because he was all up in my space and my masturbation session was put on hold. I think he could feel my unease so he asked, “Am I keeping you from anything Sue?”

I looked at him for a few seconds before answering, “Not really. It can wait I guess.”

“What can wait?” he asked.

His cute face had a cute smile too. I wondered, “How old are you now?” I asked. He looked a little taken aback by my question but he answered all the same, “23. Why?” he asked with a somewhat puzzled yet amused expression. I said I was just curious that’s all. My laptop beeped and I checked to see why. John’s eyes followed mine and then grew wide as he saw what I had been watching. He laugh-coughed and looked a bit embarrassed. I smiled without even looking at him and said, “Are you a virgin or what? Does this make you uncomfortable?” To this he laughed hard and responded, “I’m sure I can teach you a thing or 2”

“Oh yeah?”

“Just say the word and I’m game. I’ve always had a thing for you, you know? I just never thought you’d fancy me”

I was already sexually frustrated, and he wasn’t a minor, so no harm in getting my thirst quenched. I was just worried I would break him – he was so damn skinny! By the time we were done kissing and he started to take off his clothes, I was about having second thoughts when he pulled down his boxers and I saw his not so tiny penis. For a small boy he sure had an adult size dick. I didn’t know when I whispered “Damn..”. He smiled as he first went down on me, with no hands – just tongue. He sure knew his way around a clitoris. I was still wondering how he knew so much at such an age when his tongue went into overdrive and I let all go. I came so hard that I thought I was gonna pass out. He kept on eating me out even after I came, till I felt the beginnings of another orgasm. By the time I was still trying to recover from the second one, he raised my legs to my shoulders (he handled my thick thighs like a pro!) and drove his adult sized dick into me, filling my pleasure hole with, well, pleasure! This kid ain’t so bad, was the last thought I had before letting the pleasure consume me fully.

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Someone’s phone was ringing so I woke up with a start. I knew it wasn’t my ringtone but for a few seconds I wondered where I was and whose it was. Then I heard John sleepily talk into the receiver “Hello sis… Yes I’m around. Are you close by?… No, I’m in Susie’s place…. Ok, see you soon”. He hung up, got on his feet and hurriedly put on his clothes. “My sis is close by already. I really should go wait outside for her.”

“Ok.” I honestly couldn’t care less. I think I came like 3 times so I was good for the week. After he shut the door behind him, I rolled over to continue sleeping when my phone beeped. I reluctantly opened one eye to see who the message was from when I saw it was a text from a client I had been waiting to hear from. She finally fixed a meeting, but it was in 2 hours! Luckily, it was in Ikeja so I didn’t mind. Rolling off the bed, I started to mentally pick what outfit to wear as I raced to the bathroom to get ready.

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Mrs Halima Danladi was one woman who knew how to wear her clothes even at the age of 65. She always looked elegant no matter the occasion or even if she wore an informal outfit. Her body gave me mommy goals. I had done 3 shoots for her in the past. Mostly office related, but this was for her husbands 70th surprise party and she was paying handsomely too. She chose Lounge 38 in GRA for the meeting. I got there just in time to see her park and I noticed she didn’t come alone. A tall, dark, well built gentleman who had a faint resemblance to her also came out of the car. I was super intrigued already. We sat down in a corner of the bar to have our meeting.

“Susie, I apologize for not setting this up sooner, I was out of town”

“It’s fine ma” I said

“Well, I would be out of town again by tomorrow that is why I came with my son, Maleek. He would be handling everything for me while I’m away”

I looked at Maleek as she spoke and he greeted me with a sexy northern looking smile. I inwardly wondered if what they said about Hausa people was true. My eyes absentmindedly travelled from his face to his crotch area, then quickly I looked away hoping he won’t catch me. It was too late, I caught the glint in his eye. Damn! Why can’t I behave myself? I berated myself silently as I tried to pay attention to his mother as she went on about her last trip and whatnot.

By the time the meeting was over, and we were all 3 margaritas in each, I was more relaxed and had already forgotten my small slip up. We said our goodbyes and I was already walking towards the gate when Maleek’s mom called out, “Oh Susie, I think it’s best you and Maleek exchange numbers because I might forget to give it to him”. I ever so slowly turned back, slightly cringing because I could sense it before seeing it – his damn sexy smile! He walked up to me and handed me his phone. As I typed my number in, he said “So I’d call you later to show you the venue, and other things“. The way he said the last part caught my attention so my eyes darted up. Is he flirting with me?

“Other things?” I tried to sound as innocent as possible. He chuckled and replied “Yes. I did see you trying to xray my jalamia with your eyes. Might as well answer all your questions.” He closed the statement with a wink which held plenty promises. As I watched him walk away, I felt myself get rather moist down there. Damn, Sue!….