So I recently asked if friends could still stay friends even after sex, and the answer is yes. But there are rules that apply for such to be possible. Now, I know how hard it is to get into a relationship, and some of us need the regular servicing so contemplating getting a FWB (friend with benefits) is something that is sure to come up. Here’s your guide to getting and keeping one yet skipping all the drama that usually comes with it.
Rule 1 – When choosing a FWB make sure it’s someone you can be totally honest with. It also helps if the person is mature in mind (age has nothing to do with it). Honesty is key because you both can know if/when to pull the plug if things start getting a little complicated.
Rule 2 – If the friend is someone you just casually know, don’t try to get to know the person during time spent together. It’s just sex, have the sex and be going. No lunch dates, no cuddling, no “tell me how your day was” type shit. Just fuck and go. The minute unnecessary attention enters, the other party might feel you have caught feelings and let their guard down thinking it might lead somewhere. Stop leading people on under the pretext of ‘being polite’. This is for the men especially. Seriously, just fuck and go. (Exception to the rule here – unless you genuinely start liking the person and it’s mutual, no try am!).
Rule 3 – Always choose a less intimate setting when meeting up to have sex. If you have to clean up your space and put a thousand scented candles just for a FWB then you’re not serious. It’s like you want to choke on all that smoke in the name of catching feelings ba?! No unnecessary serenren plix. It’s just sex. Do it on a pile of clothes for all I care. Just don’t put way too much effort into presentation (well, unless you wanna shave a landing strip down your privates so they know you mean business).
Rule 4 – Always say thank you afterwards. I know this may sound weird, but it’s the polite thing to do. If the sex was good, always show appreciation vocally. Let each other know that the individual party was well satisfied. Now, if the sex wasn’t all that. Still say thanks but let the person know that it might just be a one time thing seeing as the major reason for a FWB is so multiple sex can be had at random times. Say thanks and move on. No use tryna teach someone how to sex you right if you ain’t tryna catch feelings.
Rule 5 – ALWAYS choose a partner who can be discreet. This is very important. Most times when it’s a FWB situation, you don’t want the whole world knowing y’all are shagging because you still wanna be able to meet the love of your life. Can’t have your FWB ruining your chances just because the sex is so damn good. So keep it on the low-low. In the famous words of Kranium, “nobody afi know say me a you are fuck, nobody afi know say you a give it up…”.
Ultimate Rule – DO NOT HAVE A FWB YOU KNOW ALREADY HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU! That just cruel and selfish. Pick someone you know only sees you as a sex tool or someone that in no way is your spec, either physically or mentally. That way attachments can’t be formed. The minute you choose a FWB that could potentially be bae then you better be ready to enter relationship mode when things switch up.
I know in some rare situations FWB sometimes becomes the real thing. If that happens then congratulations. But don’t go into it thinking that would happen. That’s the worst self setup ever. The way it would backfire would shock you like a fallen live NEPA wire during a rainstorm. Don’t do it.
If you do disagree with my rules, do let me know which ones but be prepared to have a counter argument too.
Peace, Love and Chicken Wings!
For a long time, all I did was exist. But now, I’m living too.
Hi, my name is Olaoluwasunbo Olundegun, but everyone calls me Bigma. In January I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder ll (hypo mania).
My big sis encouraged me to write about it since I’ve always used my writing as a form of therapy when I was dealing with depression. So I’m gonna try this out and see if it helps.
I know a lot of y’all reading this have questions. As time goes on I’d answer the ones I do have answers to.
No, I ain’t looking for sympathy or tryna get some kinda attention. All I’m doing is finding a way, besides using meds, to cope with the bipolar.
I haven’t figured out all the kinks yet. I certainly haven’t totally let it all settle in because I go about daily with my usual self and then I start wondering if I was misdiagnosed only to have a very hyper day for no reason and then it all starts to make sense.
Luckily I can still function properly with day to day activities and I somewhat try to have a handle of things. Certain urges still need taming but so far I think I’m doing a pretty good job.
By the way, I hate my meds. I hate them! But, I’ve found my own little way to cope with it all.
I’d try and document what I observe in this new phase of my life. A lot of things are different now but I’m still the same awesome sumborri y’all know and (somewhat) love.
I gotta say, writing this did make me feel a hella good. Maybe it just might help, time will tell. Oh, and don’t expect me to write all the time o! I am open to your thoughts, suggestions and even prayers. But please keep any negative bullshit far away from me. I’m quick to cuss a nigga out if I sense any negativity whatsoever.
So, yeah, I think that’s all for now…
Pillows soaked with my anguish
Thoughts racing around my head, so rapid
Can’t slow it down
Won’t stop it now
The sun is out but I’m cloudy all over
Future looking bright, yet I’m feeling rather somber
I didn’t lose anything
So why so much pain?
Insomnia rages on
Getting worse by the month
Too scared to sleep
Cos I’m afraid I’d have to dream
I go about daily on autopilot
Barely living yet not hurt
This leaves me very confused
The state of my mind unused
Maybe I’d get a knife and end it
Maybe I’d reconsider for a minute
Head still hurting from the many voices
I need to know if I have other choices.
I think life is truly specially unfair to specific people. And one of those people is me.
All I’ve ever wished for, since my ex ruined what used to be a beating heart, is for someone who would see me for me and love me regardless. See ehn, I have way too much love in me to give, I just need to know I won’t be giving it to the wrong person.
I know I have ranted on this blog (and my other private one) about how I got through hurt and blabla when it comes to matters of the heart, but this is me pouring out my true hurt on this page. I heard sharing heals so lemme try this shit out.
If you’ve been keeping up with me you’d know that I haven’t dated seriously since 2012. And if you didn’t know, now you do. Being that I’m a sexually active adult, sex has never been a problem. And getting attached to someone has been a difficult thing because fear. Also I haven’t met anyone I felt secure enough with to let my guard fully down. Well, not until recently.
I met someone who met every non-physical requirement I want, no, NEED my man to have. What are they? Nothing outrageous oh. I’ve always wanted a man who respects women, who is black on the outside but white in his mindset (I see y’all judging me 😏), a man who would make me feel so special that I’d start to doubt if I’m really all that. I want a man who loves all my damn curves, folds, stretch marks and edges. Someone who knows that underneath the madness there is a calm rational thinking woman. Someone who makes me laugh when my eyes are heavy with tears. You know, that kinda shit and more.
Then I met someone and let’s just say I saw these qualities and more, and I totally got carried away. So much so that I didn’t even know when my guard was down and the tunnel to my soul was lit. (Shakespeare ain’t got shit on me right?😄). And for a brief second I let myself believe I could actually have all I wanted and more, but….. it was all a gaddem dream. I was awake oh, but I was daydreaming. I met a man with everything I ever wanted, but he wasn’t mine.
Sucks right? Well, that’s life for you. One minute you think your prayers have been answered, the next minute you realize that God took you from “Easy Mode” to “Extremely Difficult Mode”. (This is worse than fighting that huge giant that has a midget on its back in Mortal Kombat). So yeah, life ain’t always gonna be fair and somehow I’ve gotten so used to never getting what I want that I just shrug and move.
I’m not writing this so y’all can feel sorry for me oh. I’m just trying out this new form of therapy in hopes that I don’t sink into some kinda worse habit later on. Honestly though, I won’t be making any conscious moves towards meeting anyone or falling in love. Unless the persons name is Ego and I’m falling into a truck load of it. (I’m talking about money, not man. Money 💰).
I think my therapy session is over jare. We’ve already established that my love life sucks, no need to rub it in with your cruel snide comments (I’m talking to you, Kemi 😒).
Another holiday gone and I’m still all alone. I wasn’t feeling this way at the beginning of this month oh, but when you keep seeing happy couples everywhere that shit messes with you.
My walled up heart has been cracked small ni sha. I can hear the soft beating of a heart I thought had turned ice cold. That shit is melting. And I blame you happy lot. Me that I was jejely enjoying my single status, then 1 wedding, 2 weddings, family holiday photos and plenty other nonsense started appearing all over my social media-sphere. Got me “ooh-ing” and “aww-ing” for no good reason.
Now I’ve got the holiday blues, wishing I had a man to spend it with. We’d cuddle to stay warm from this dusty cold harmattan. We’d drink wine and eat fried chicken by the TV, while gisting and ignoring how bad the state of the economy is in for hours. We’d lay in bed catching our breath after the second round ‘cos we know the night is still young. We’d go around town nauseating people with our PDA… You know, that kinda love thing.
The good thing about having the holiday blues is that with the right amount of alcohol and sleep combined, those blues would finally morph into a hangover which would in turn get your mind busy with thoughts like “I feel like I’m dying. Water, I need water. Bloody hangover!” And in all the getting hydrated and shit, you forget why you started drinking in the first place. 😂
So don’t feel sorry for me for having the blues, be more worried about my damn liver. Anyways, my friends are waiting on me to get off the toilet so they can take me out and get this funk all gone. Hopefully I wouldn’t run into plenty happy couples this time. Can 2018 come already? So I can start the year on that “new year new me” bullshit mantra while I fake it till I believe it.
Happy holidays y’all. 😘